Hey Y’all!
I wanted to jump right in and start on some thought I’ve been going over, then thought I should do an introducing myself post.
Starting Over!
My name is Tina and I’m here for a few reasons. Â
First - Tina Bouma is my name and finding a way in this world is my game.
I have an amazing husband who I’m journeying this life with.  His name is Dan.  He runs his own business and is forever telling me I can do all the things!
We have 2 amazing littles.  Finn - who is 9 and has the most amazing heart of any human I’ve ever met!  He will always make you feel like the most special person in the room.
Ruby - who is 6.  She is very funny, life of any room and has a deep kindness about her that I’m so proud of.  Both them actually.  They are great people and I couldn’t be more proud of them. Â
ME - well I’m 42!  And I’m starting over.  Again. I was born in Mexico, lived in Texas and finally settled in Canada. My family history is anchored in Old Colony Mennonite way of life. Basically if you’ve watched 1883 - it’s similar to that, lol. I’ve lived in Canada most of my life but have travelled many places in the world. I have also lived most of my life in the modern church… and I’m healing from it.  As we journey together you’ll start to understand me better, know more about me and my life and the things that have brought me to this point.  With so many places to start - I want to start here. The place I’m healing most from is the pain I have from church pain and abuse. Spiritual abuse… it’s a WHOLE thing. It cuts you from the inside out. I wont dive deep in that here, but we’ll get there.
I dont have the answers. But i do have a goal. Helping people who come out of church broken, helping them find some healing and peace. Someone Beautiful said that ‘they will now us by our love’.  I’m not sure that that is always the case with your experience with church. What is your experience?  How do you see God and what do you really feel about Him (to be clear, i dont think God is a ‘He’ I just dont know how else to refer to God. We are made in the IMAGE of God so ya… no gender for the Devine).  What do you feel about the church?  I don’t feel great about the church and that is a LONG conversation for another time. But God!  That is where I feel love and freedom and so overwhelmed with good. Â
I’m in a weird place.  Church hurt is a monster that SO MANY people face and many times turns poeple away from God.  People who lead in a church are not perfect.  They absolutely will get things wrong. That’s ok too.  The place I see a giant hole is the ownership of leadership.  The shit they do in the name of god (lowercase bc it’s not real) is appalling and disgraceful. In the process of leaving the place I loved, one of the leaders said to me ‘you’ve done nothing wrong, but unfortunately you’re going to have to bear the consequences’.  What the actual fuck…. NO! I will not. I have enough of my own shit to sort out - I do not need yours.
Hebrews 13:7 - Remember your leaders who have spoken God’s word to you.  As you carefully observe the outcome of their lives, imitate their faith’.  Wow.  To follow the examples of people’s lives who are worth imitating.  (Like Joy from the Velvet Arsenal - who is full of light and love, like Neviana from Carrots n Dates for the intro to healing and time) To become more like Jesus in a real way in the world where i am known by my love, and carry that love to people around me. So to the leader who said this about me, i pray y’all understand that at this point - you aren’t worth imitating.  It may seem harsh - but anyone who can’t take ownership of their life, their calling and will pass the ‘it looks like failure’ on to the poeple who are serving beneath them (that’s a whole other topic Jesus taught on) you’re not worth it.  I’m still hurting. But as I continue to heal, I know that this too will be used for something good!Â
 Interesting fact… the healing I’ve had over the last few years have come from the Devine thought other places that may surprise you. Mediation. Movement. Nature. People who are filled with light and love. Truth. Not ONE of these places were in a building. Not one of these people suggested dogma or forced a way on me. BUT support of my journey and to encourage truth and freedom. So much so speak on here…
I’m deeply interested in your story. What experience do you have with this stuff? I have a feeling there’s a lot of you with a lot of pain in this. Let’s share each others stories.
Love from here x,
Tina
What thought provoking words. I left the church. I was born, baptized, and raised in the Roman Catholic faith and left for various reasons. I am a very spiritually driven individual and found the dogma of the catholic religion and church to be a challenge for me in so many ways when I questioned so much. I was told to never question. I was told that I wasn’t giving enough to my church. I was told they those whom I lived would go to hell because they weren’t part of the Catholic faith that I was baptized into.
Lots to say about this. But I’ll leave it at that.
So yes, church hurt is real.
I hug you as a sister in faith and a friend of the heart.